The Role of Trust in Conflict
Did you know that there is a kind of nuclear reactor that actually produces more fuel than it uses? It’s called a breeder reactor. Conflict on your team can be like a breeder reactor for trust; you need a solid foundation of trust for healthy, productive conflict AND healthy, productive conflict produces more trust. That’s because every time you settle differences respectfully, people grow to trust that you care about them individually, and you both care about what’s best for the organization.
Later this month, I’ll write a bit about how to have that healthy conflict, but for now, let’s put first things first - lay the foundation. Here are nine things leaders should do to lay a foundation of trust on their teams:
Competence is the price of entry. If you aren’t good at your job, the rest becomes irrelevant. It’s also important to remember that when you are a leader, your core competency is no longer finance or engineering, etc. - it’s leadership.
You have to really care about people. If you really care about people, you will truly get to know them: how they think and what matters to them. When this happens, they will feel heard and seen by you, which will help them start to trust you, too.
You have to let people know you. If you don’t let people understand you as a person, it will be hard for them to truly trust you. (see above)
Don’t tolerate cliques and back-channel discussions. Set the tone that you discuss the issues, air all grievances, and agree on the way forward together. Then you leave the room as a united front.
Assume good intentions. This simply means that you should be comfortable assuming that any mistake, screw-up, or failure was made while trying to do what’s right for the company. If you can’t make that assumption about someone on your team, do you really want to work with that person?
Transparency is key. Overcommunicate—be generous with what you tell your teammates. One important note, however—transparency is not a license to break someone’s confidence. If you’ve agreed to keep a secret, keep it until you’ve been released from that promise.
Do what you say you’re going to do. Every time you over-promise and under-deliver, your credibility takes a hit. So agree to do only what you believe you can do.
When you screw up, own it, apologize for it, and make it right. Every. Single. Time. Even if no one knew you screwed up.
Trust is earned in small moments, not grand gestures. Seeing and acknowledging a person for who they are. Showing tolerance for other viewpoints and truly trying to understand them. Sharing a moment of vulnerability. All of these things are more powerful trust builders than, say, flowery speeches or big, public shows of appreciation (though there’s nothing wrong with getting good at those, too).
Not one thing on that list is difficult to understand. But, keeping that whole list alive for you and your team is pretty damn hard. But it’s absolutely worth it, and it’s your job. Being a great leader is hard because the main work of leaders is doing hard things.
I’ll leave you with a quote from Patrick Lencioni’s excellent book, The Motive
“If we can restore the collective attitude that leadership is meant to be a joyfully difficult and selfless responsibility, I am convinced that we will see companies become more successful, employees more engaged and fulfilled, and society more optimistic and hopeful.”